Monday, December 31

outside the wind rages. yesterday I finally snipped away the dead clump of monbretia, a bush of brown papery husks. in their place are slender lime green blades - waiting there quietly, all along, for the light.

Sunday, December 30

a pick-up truck drives past - in the back a circling whir of black & white collie, gleefully chasing his tail

Saturday, December 29

Young Roshi makes a chirruping noise and gets as near as he dare to old-man-cat Fatty. He wants to play. It's a dangerous business - Fatty grows impatient quickly, swipes at him with his big claws. But Roshi loves him all the same and chirrups again, getting closer...

Friday, December 28

christmas over, the pine needles keep on dropping

Thursday, December 27

soft rainfall & birdsong twirls. everything still except the waving tag on the acer. all our bulbs in the ground, getting ready. #smallstone

Wednesday, December 26

outside, rain falls hard from the blocked guttering. nearby the Buddha sits on his wall, perfectly still. in his hands he holds a pool of water which the cats like to lap from. below him the cyclamen shout pink & the pansies sing purple. a new year approaches fast.

Tuesday, December 25

Ramona at nearly 2

Post-Christmas-lunch. We are both sucking a lollipop, sitting across the room from each other. Every so often we take it out of our mouth and say to each other, 'lollipop'. The word passes between us and is as satisfying as the sweetness.

Monday, December 24

a bucket of peelings. we are peeling these vegetables for our family. it is good work.

Sunday, December 23

a walk around the garden

rotten peanuts scraped from the feeder with a dry stick
green noses of tulip bulbs tasting the air

Saturday, December 22

My friend Freddie (3)

At first he hides behind his mum. My hair is all gone. My name has changed. Later he wants more grapes so takes me by my hand into the kitchen where I put some into his open palms, counting them out, swooping the odd one into my mouth instead with snaffling sounds. Then we are friends again. When he leaves, he spreads his little arms wide and requests a ciddle.

Friday, December 21

reindeer chocolate cupcake with curly wurly antlers

Thursday, December 20

After coming round from an anaesthetic, tsuki's pupils are huge and black. I get lost in them.

Wednesday, December 19

what I notice when I look inside

waves of faint sadness like wafts of pine scent from our Christmas tree. digestive rumbles. a mind leaping off and following distraction after distraction. much lower down, something that feels like a purr.

Tuesday, December 18

the petrol-echo of fire-starter lingers on my fingertips
the Christmas lights blink & blink & blink

Monday, December 17

Christmas lights blink through the driving rain. These small dots are enough to keep us warm.

Sunday, December 16

dull outside, but inside the Priory the sun breathes life into the coloured glass

Saturday, December 15

Friday, December 14

Shapes smeared and dulled by rain. A bright magpie, monochrome parrot, squawks in the eucalyptus. The broken guttering haemorrhages water.

Thursday, December 13

Fatty has a cat-flap, but meows at the front door until we fold.

Wednesday, December 12

we are all here together. the cake I made tastes good.

Tuesday, December 11

Monday, December 10

Sunday, December 9

watching television on this huge screen can't compete with the little things we feel about each other

Saturday, December 8


as she opens the envelope containing my new name my heart bangs. who will I be?

Friday, December 7

this is where home is. even ugly objects become beautiful.

Thursday, December 6

Wednesday, December 5

looking back a week, I don't know what we did this day but I do know we sat in front of the golden Buddha

Tuesday, December 4


blackbirds & thrushes strip the bush, leave orange shit behind

Monday, December 3


so crisp
imagining the tips of my teeth
slicing through

Sunday, December 2

Saturday, December 1

seen through glass
the garden
is becoming
a stranger