outside the wind rages. yesterday I finally snipped away the dead clump of monbretia, a bush of brown papery husks. in their place are slender lime green blades - waiting there quietly, all along, for the light.

a pick-up truck drives past - in the back a circling whir of black & white collie, gleefully chasing his tail

Young Roshi makes a chirruping noise and gets as near as he dare to old-man-cat Fatty. He wants to play. It's a dangerous business - Fatty grows impatient quickly, swipes at him with his big claws. But Roshi loves him all the same and chirrups again, getting closer...

christmas over, the pine needles keep on dropping

soft rainfall & birdsong twirls. everything still except the waving tag on the acer. all our bulbs in the ground, getting ready. #smallstone

outside, rain falls hard from the blocked guttering. nearby the Buddha sits on his wall, perfectly still. in his hands he holds a pool of water which the cats like to lap from. below him the cyclamen shout pink & the pansies sing purple. a new year approaches fast.

Ramona at nearly 2

Post-Christmas-lunch. We are both sucking a lollipop, sitting across the room from each other. Every so often we take it out of our mouth and say to each other, 'lollipop'. The word passes between us and is as satisfying as the sweetness.

a bucket of peelings. we are peeling these vegetables for our family. it is good work.

a walk around the garden

rotten peanuts scraped from the feeder with a dry stick
green noses of tulip bulbs tasting the air

My friend Freddie (3)

At first he hides behind his mum. My hair is all gone. My name has changed. Later he wants more grapes so takes me by my hand into the kitchen where I put some into his open palms, counting them out, swooping the odd one into my mouth instead with snaffling sounds. Then we are friends again. When he leaves, he spreads his little arms wide and requests a ciddle.

reindeer chocolate cupcake with curly wurly antlers

After coming round from an anaesthetic, tsuki's pupils are huge and black. I get lost in them.

what I notice when I look inside

waves of faint sadness like wafts of pine scent from our Christmas tree. digestive rumbles. a mind leaping off and following distraction after distraction. much lower down, something that feels like a purr.

the petrol-echo of fire-starter lingers on my fingertips
the Christmas lights blink & blink & blink

Christmas lights blink through the driving rain. These small dots are enough to keep us warm.

dull outside, but inside the Priory the sun breathes life into the coloured glass

the rich thick stink of lilies honeys me

Shapes smeared and dulled by rain. A bright magpie, monochrome parrot, squawks in the eucalyptus. The broken guttering haemorrhages water.

Fatty has a cat-flap, but meows at the front door until we fold.

we are all here together. the cake I made tastes good.

milk cart rattles through the frosted streets

three blackbirds pause in the low apple tree

watching television on this huge screen can't compete with the little things we feel about each other

ordination

as she opens the envelope containing my new name my heart bangs. who will I be?

this is where home is. even ugly objects become beautiful.

lost thursday (too crammed full)

looking back a week, I don't know what we did this day but I do know we sat in front of the golden Buddha

pyracantha

blackbirds & thrushes strip the bush, leave orange shit behind

Braeburn

so crisp
imagining the tips of my teeth
slicing through
plump-with-juice
cells

moving day

wardrobe on toe
waiting
for a bruise
to bloom

seen through glass
the garden
is becoming
a stranger